


LETTER DESIGNATED TO BE BURNED.

by Salvia_Eyes (Beork)



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Lizzington - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beork/pseuds/Salvia_Eyes
Summary: This fic is located after chapter 3 of season 8 "16 Ounces". Red convalescing and defeated after nearly being killed by Liz. She has gone from being number one in his life to being number one on the Blacklist.
Relationships: Elizabeth Keen & Raymond Reddington, Elizabeth Keen/Raymond Reddington
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	LETTER DESIGNATED TO BE BURNED.

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [CARTA DESTINADA A SER QUEMADA.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164332) by [RRR_ (Beork)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beork/pseuds/RRR_). 



> This is a translation of my fic. I have assisted myself of an automatic translator correcting what I could. Comments or corrections are welcome as well as kudos.
> 
> Thanks for your time.

This fic is located after chapter 3 of season 8 "16 Ounces". Red convalescing and defeated after nearly being killed by Liz. She has gone from being number one in his life to being number one on the Blacklist.

Red had asked to return to his refuge, to the small Bethesda apartment, the closest thing to home. It wasn't the smartest move, Liz knew the place, but Red preferred to stake his people around and take cover in the only place where he could rebuild.

Dembe had left him alone and retired to the small room. Red struggled through the shelves full of books and souvenirs until he saw what he was looking for: his old book of "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. Considered the bible of Stoic philosophy.

He considered this book an old friend in his life. It always came back to him in moments of weakness.

He paced the worn pages, the profound reflections of the wise Roman Emperor having rendered him impassive before. Now for the first time he not only felt disoriented; no, there was a feeling of bitterness, of not being able to continue fighting.

He smiled when he remembered Don Quixote and felt identified. He had been fixated on something that had ended up defeating him fighting giants that were perhaps mills. And now he saw himself riding an old horse, back nowhere, homeless and laden with bitterness.

He opened the book at random, he needed to find that impassivity that had always accompanied him, he needed to block the pain and loneliness to continue in his endeavor: to protect Elizabeth Keen and Agnes. He closed the book in frustration. The pain was too sharp to remain stoic.

He decided to tell her. Of course she would never find out, but that didn't stop him from telling her. He would write a letter.

He found a piece of paper and began to write in front of the fireplace. The dim embers failed to warm his heart and the room felt empty.

_Dear Elizabeth._

_I am aware that you think you know me, but I never let you do it completely. I remember the first night we had dinner together, I asked you to profile me and it was pretty accurate. It is absolutely true that I have no roots, happy ride among tramps or kings, in old motels or luxury hotels. I learned to move through all environments without losing my essence. It has become part of me to learn to survive, and it is something so intrinsic to my soul that I am unable to unplug it, not even when I am with the woman I have loved the most in the world._

_You have been the most beautiful love story I have ever had. Although I never really had you. That was my pride, to think that in that container we were one, it was never like that, perhaps I never had the right to consider you my home. Maybe I'm destined to never have a home._

_Please forgive the melancholy, it's not like me. One of the things that I adore the most in life is to make you laugh, I haven't been able to do it for so long… I'm just tired of being a passing bird, I would have liked to get tangled up in your body and freeze like that; But I will bury that desire to continue my efforts to protect you, just as I swore to you so many years ago. At that moment I didn't know what you were going to become for me, the exceptional woman that beat inside that frightened girl. I will always protect, above all else, you and our Agnes. I still remember the first time you let me pick her up. I remember how you smile when she is around, how you still keep that happiness buried in so much bitterness and resentment._

_Oh yes, again I sin in pride, but you know it's true, you know that I do know how you are, I know perfectly why you reacted like that, and although it hurts me deeply, I understand your thirst. Dembe thinks I had a plan, I didn't, maybe unconsciously I want to push you into my world as he says. I have no right, I know, but my promise to protect you binds me._

_Among so many failures and defeats I can still smile remembering those moments with you. Sometimes I surprise myself when I still seek tenderness and love despite being so surrounded by violence and horror. Everything is inspired by you Elizabeth, you and Agnes. I remember how I felt like a child in need of tenderness in those days, and how at other times a crazy poet would drive me. I keep those memories under lock and key in my memory, when they erased yours I forced myself to bury them. They come out now in a moment of weakness, as you say I am old and sick, but I promise you Elizabeth, I promise you that if I have to fight with you to keep you safe I will. I will draw strength and resources wherever I can to bring you that happiness that you deserve._

_Still I thank you for bringing spring into my fall. I could forget 30 years of horror in those weeks running away with you._

_And I make you another promise Elizabeth: when I burn this letter that you will never read, I will be me again. Serene and firm, without being able to tell you the truths that you long for, but loving you from a distance. It's been such a long road that I don't want to look back. No. When I burn this letter we will return to the battle you have been determined to unleash. You will have me in front, behind, above or below you Elizabeth; but always by your side._

_R._

He sighed and read the letter silently. He felt better having exposed his weaknesses to a blank piece of paper.

He heard the door to Dembe's room. He must have gotten up to make sure he was okay. He immediately made a ball of the paper and threw it without hesitation on the embers as he watched as it parted open to then burn. His solemn promise had given him strength. He would bury the memories once more to keep wandering away from home: her.

  * "Are you okay Raymond?" Dembé asked in his deep voice.



  * "Yes" he said simply "we have to anticipate Elizabeth's next move, call Harold and tell him I need to see him"



And without further ado he got up awkwardly, helped by his most faithful friend.


End file.
